Warming Up

Monday 10th April 2006

I have some kind of infection in my top lip. I think it started as a spot but today when I woke up half my top lip felt numb and when I looked in the mirror I saw that it had puffed up making me look like the off-spring of Lesley Ash and the Elephant Man. I do indeed have the trout pout that is generally associated with plastic surgery but only on the left hand side of my face. Like I could only afford to disfigure a quarter of my mouth, but still wanted to go ahead with that. It makes me wonder why anybody would do anything like this to themselves willingly. I feel mutated and silly and ashamed to leave the house. Hopefully it will get better or I will have to become a big-lipped recluse.
I don't know what has caused this and can only speculate that some elvish cosmetic surgeons crept into my bedroom at night and have done this work in return for an acorn cup full of beer that someone who hates me is leaving out for them. Which means in another three nights the whole mouth will have been done and I will look like someone who essentially has a badge stuck to their face saying "I am desperately trying to hang on to my youth by doing something to myself that makes me look unlike a human being. I am a twat." I might look into making these face badges. They could be attached via a piercing in the nose. It would be a lot cheaper than having plastic surgery and at least people with the badges would get some kind of respect from other people.