You know if I was in charge of security at the Houses of Parliament I think I would probably put a guard by all the entrances into the main chamber. If not all the time, then at least when parliament was in session. Then if anyone who wasn't an MP tried to get in I would have him say, "No, sorry, you're not allowed to go in there. It's for MPs only. But you can go and look at the statue of Spencer Perceval if you want. He's the only British Prime Minister to have been assassinated in office... you know, so far. But maybe if you distract me now by saying "Look at that er thing over there" you might be able to get in there and add to that tally."
In light of events today I might write in and suggest my "guard" idea. It would be important that they had one for all the doors into the chamber. Plus maybe some of the outside doors as well (not all of them though. I think it's important to give the terrorists and idiots supporting a stupid cause some window of opportunity to kill, flour bomb or shout at our elected representatives).
Speaking as a man who has accidentally conquered the security system of Buckingham Palace (see Warming Up 23/06/03) I have always known that the people protecting our notable personages aren't really all that bothered. And so I put out a heartfelt request to all Al Quaida terrorists and misguided lunatics who think that (literally) hounding another animal to death is something that should happen in a civilised society (who is the real terrorist? Aaaaah! It is the Al Quaida bloke) not to take advantage of this smugness and leave our important personages be. Yes, you can easily kill or kiss them, but I'm trusting you not to take advantage of the loopholes in the system. Thanks.
I was also heartened to hear a fox hunt supporter outside parliament complaining that the police had started hitting him with truncheons even though he'd done nothing wrong. I wish he'd added, "Of course, all this has made me see the irony of my own position, because I think this is a perfectly acceptable thing for me to do to a similarly innocent fox (you know, providing I've spent a couple of hours chasing after it on horseback). I thank the police for so effectively pointing out my own hypocrisy and I think it's a good idea for them to bludgeon anyone they meet, just in case they were ever thinking of going fox hunting. Now I've realised that there is a legally backed way to inflict pain on another living creature, whilst dressed in a funny costume incorporating a hard hat (and often in situations like this, also involving being on horseback), I have decided to join the police force myself. There's been a lot of burglaries in my area recently and personally I suspect a family of foxes that live nearby. I understand the police force have lots of dogs specially trained to take down criminals, so I will be using them to track down these miscreants."
What's my point? I don't know. I'm making this stuff up as I go along.
