My build up to the Marathon is making steady progress. I am doing the 10K Rainforest Foundation Fun Run in three weeks time and I'm confident I can manage that OK. It's just over six miles (so only twenty more miles to turn that into a Marathon).
Today I ran down to the river and tried to do a circuit from Hammersmith Bridge to Barnes Bridge and back again. I had done this once before and managed it OK, but today I got tired about two thirds of the way round and had to walk. Still not bad. I did a solid 45 minutes running.
On my way down I decided to cut my journey time down a bit by running through Marks and Spencers which has a front entrance on the high road and a back entrance within spitting distance of the river (if you are able to spit 500 metres. Which I can. That's right. Look impressed.)
However the minute I was inside the shop I felt very self conscious and wrong. For some reason running through a shop seems to be inappropriate behaviour. It wasn't particularly busy, but I still slowed down to a walk because I seemed to be trangressing some unwritten rule that I was only subconsciously aware of.
Running inside is acceptable if you are on an indoor track or other covered sporting arena, but anywhere else it is against God and Nature and all the laws of a decent society.
I wonder why that is. Does running in a shop make you appear suspicious? Is it a concern about other shoppers having to be near your sweaty, heavy breathing body (though walking just prolongs this) or is it just the fact that putting an activity out of context puts its ridiculousness into sharp focus?
It is faintly ironic that it is mainly thanks to Marks and Spencers apple cookies that I am forced to run in the first place (oh yes, the alcohol and the chips have nothing to do with it. It's the low fat biscuits that are mainly responsible for my excess weight), and yet I am ashamed to run through the shop that has brought me so much pain and humiliation.
Possible the fact that I am looking for a short cut isn't altogether encouraging either. I wonder if I can get away with that on the Marathon. Possibly if I nip through Boots somewhere along the route I will find myself suddenly five miles ahead of the rest of the field. I may have found a valuable loop-hole.
Despite my failure to complete the run today I am confident that I will be able to run the distance by next April. In fact I am now no longer satisfied with simple completion. I have decided that I am going to have a go at winning the bloody thing.
I don't think I'm being unrealistic. I have a lot of time left to train. I'll show those skinny Kenyans how it's done. I can imagine the commetary, "And coming into the home straight.... who the fuck is that? It appears to be someone dressed in one of those comedy fat suits. Oh no, it's Richard Herring. Whoever the crap he is. I don't know. I come from Banbury."
You may call me a dreamer... but I think you would be more accurate to call me a deluded mentallist.
Very soon there will be a link to a site where you can use a credit card to sponsor me on-line. All contribitions will be welcome, however small. Though to be honest it would be better if you gave me loads of money. And remember to all put in a bonus if I win the thing (I have another secret plan, which is to hide a bike half way round and then when no-one's looking cycle half the way. Unfortunately I am probably worse at cycling than I am at running, so this might actually slow me down. Otherwise I could try and crouch on the back of one of those swanky wheelchairs that some of the competitors use - cheating surely- and hitch a ride. Failing all else there is always room on Bernie Clifton's ostrich)
As I was running today I wondered how many bloke running the marathon next year will find it amusing to team up with a mate and dress up as the runners from that directory enquiries ad. I think there will be at least thirty such pairings. I will keep a look-out for them on the day and be sure to call them twats as I pass them by (on my way to the front and victory).
