As I was looking back at the website of my evil, tall, blonde doppleganger, Richard Herring (he's identical to me in every respect, apart from the height and the hair colour, his interests and the fact that I have never been caught for my crimes. I have shoplifted over three kinder eggs and all the Tintin books - in softback, I'm not greedy - and I am still a free man. And I can't see any way that I will be brought to justice for these crimes. How will anyone find out? I am thinking of writing anonymous and taunting letters to Scotland Yard, a bit like Jack the Ripper, except enclosing pieces of Kinder egg toys instead of bits of prostitutes' livers) something else struck me about what he had to say. It's there in the first sentence. Let's have another look. He says
"Single White male, 36 yrs.old looking for someone to write (nothing else for right now) I am currently serving a life sentence on burglary charges."
The bit in brackets is what interests me.
"(Nothing else for right now)"
This is a man who admits that he is in prison for life. What else is he hoping for from a relationship other than the occasional letter? I know some men find it difficult to commit, but surely he doesn't have to protect himself so quickly from the misapprehension that there might be something more to this (non-existent as yet) relationship than being pen-pals.
I mean, I know he's quite a catch, what with his height and hair colour and his leather working skills and the fact that he is in prison FOR LIFE for burglary based offences... so he has to let the ladies down gently.
What else is he expecting there to be in the long run?
I know this is slightly unfair and that plenty of prisoners end up marrying women they have met through correspondence and prison visits (and one has to ask what's going on in the heads of the women who want to be friends with murderers and rapists? If I was the murderers and rapists I'd steer well clear of those nutcases) and I don't want to start taking the piss out of an innocent man (well, OK, a man who is probably guilty of burglary) who is clearly very big, can work leather and has very little to lose by escaping, coming to the UK and murdering and skinning a small, fat, cowardly namesake.
Perhaps he's not saying "Hey, if you impress me in letter form, you might be lucky enough to get to marry me." Perhaps he's just saying he would prefer the anonymity of the written word, rather than have any of his penpals visit him.
I think he's a great bloke, whatever his motivations and I don't have a bad word to say about him, or his sharp leather working tools.
I may mount a campaign to get him released. Free the Richard Herring One!
Or I might just stop writing about him all together and hope he never finds out about the terrible things I have said.
