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We went to a church in Chiswick to see Shappi Khorsandi talking about her new book “Nina Is Not OKâ€. A church wasn't necessarily the best place for the President of the British Humanist Association to be discussing blow-jobs, drugs and other unHoly things that take place in the book, but it was part of the Chiswick Book Festival and not necessarily a deliberate choice.
The church was nice and warm though, which is unusual and made me wonder if that proved that whichever branch of Christianity was being celebrated here must be the right one. God was keeping his flock cosy. Alternatively, of course, perhaps they were the most evil Christians and what we were experiencing was the approaching flames of Hell.
The talk was great and the book sounds amazing - my wife has read it and loved it - and pretty serious covering alcoholism and rape, although there are plenty of laughs too. I am definitely going to put in on the growing pile of half-read and unread books that I have.
I was a bit distracted by the crucifixion scene that hovered above the heads of Shappi and her interviewer Deborah Frances-White. A big golden, becrowned Jesus hung passively above two smaller figures (I am guessing a couple of Marys), looking like he was planning on doing a stage dive down on to the congregation. Of course the gold clothing and crown were there to symbolise Jesus' Holy Splendour, but it seemed a bit off-message to me. As far as I recall Jesus didn't go everywhere in bling and was in many ways quite critical of that sort of stuff. I am sure the artist justified his gilding of the man who considered the lily, but it just made me think that anyone watching that particular execution would be thinking, “Look at that big gold prick. Being crucified with a crown on. Whatever he did or didn't do, I am glad they're taking that knob out. Glad I voted to save Barrabus now."
Anyway, big, gold, passive Jesus did steal focus from the main event a bit, which was rude of him. Again, I expect better from Jesus.
Before the reading I was interviewed by a local internet channel. My wife heard someone saying, “Who's that?†to their friend, confused as to why a seemingly random man had been selected from the crowd. “It's Stewart Lee†came the reply. My wife was amused.
After the reading, in the pub, a young man approached me and said, “Excuse me, are you Charley Boorman?†My wife laughed again. Though I can never be sure in such instances if this is a genuine misidentification or someone joining in with the “joke†who knows full well who I am. When told I was not, the man said “You look just like him.†“So I have been told,†I replied.
I wonder if Jesus got this kind of treatment. I bet sometimes people thought he was John the Baptist, and occasionally they mistook him for the bloke who motorcycled round the world with Ewan Macgregor. In his own time John the Baptist was the bigger deal too, so I bet it annoyed Jesus a bit to be mistaken for the guy he'd worked with a couple of times and who everyone thought was a better Baptist than him. But Jesus had the last laugh, didn't he? Being crucified in that big gold cloak. Who's looking at John the Baptist now, hey? Did he think to put on a crown when he was getting murdered? No he didn't. Would have set the plate off nicely too if he had. Was John the Baptist ever interviewed for a local internet TV channel based in Chiswick, by a woman who didn't know who he was? No he wasn't.
I am not saying I am Jesus….
In fact I am not sure what I am saying. I seem a bit confused.
