You might remember I appeared in a short film/TV pilot called “A Very British Cult” back in May. Tonight I got the chance to see the fruits of that three days of hard labour when I headed down to Wandsworth to watch the completed DVD at the flat of one of the writers.
I don’t really enjoy watching myself back when I have been on TV, especially when I have been acting as obviously you spot all the places where you messed it up or where the subtle face you thought you were pulling turned out to be a massive gurn. There were certainly a few cringy moments for me in this regard, but overall I was as pleased as I ever can be with my performance. The whole thing looks amazing, especially given that they only spent seven and a half thousand pounds on it (might sound a lot, but most TV shows of this kind will be spending around a hundred thousand pounds an episode, though admittedly most of that would usually have been on my exorbitant fee and my other expenses such as loads of cocaines and prostitutes and so on (I don’t enjoy this aspect of my business, but drinking cocaines and sleeping with hookers is one of the requirements of employment, so I go along with it reluctantly). The producers of “A Very British Cult” thought it would be best if there were no whores or drugs or any kind of payment whatsoever, which I think is best and more people should work like this.
Seriously though the film looked very good for the money it cost- in fact I had forgotten that it had been done on such a shoe-string til afterwards and it looked as good as most things with much higher budgets (with the possible exception of the acting talents of the leading man). The rest of the cast were very strong and though it sticks in my craw to say it, TV’s Emma Kennedy was especially impressive – though she was too starry to turn up to watch it – now she’s in proper movies and stuff she’s changed since she worked with Patrick Marber.
The finished product is being touted around TV people and the team behind it have written other scripts and the hope is that it might lead to a series. Even if it does I think the story we're filmed will be re-shot, so I am afraid it is unlikely that my masterclass in over-acting (I was OK in most of it) will ever see the light of day, but I've got a DVD of it, so if you're ever round my house I can show it to you. No scratch that, if you are ever round my house I will be calling the police and telling them that one of my sinister stalkers has somehow found out my address, but maybe we could watch the film together whilst we're waiting for them to come round and arrest you/release me from the duct tape.
