Warming Up

Thursday 21st December 2006

As I sat down on the tube tonight, the woman next to me was on her mobile phone. She laughed and then said in a loud voice, "You know what, from now until tomorrow, do a lot of pelvic floor exercises." Everyone who had heard this in the carriage (which was pretty much everyone, she had made no attempt at discretion) did a slight double-take or blanched. What on earth was going to happen to her (presumably female) friend in the next 24 hours that would require such an exercise regime. I am sure you have some of your own ideas. My favourite one involves ping pong balls.
The most impressive thing though was that this turned out to be the parting shot of the conversation. The loud lady with the pelvis advice, laughed again, said "bye" and hung up.
I realised I had to write the sentence down before I forgot it so that I could write about it in Warming Up. I got a notebook and a pen out of my pocket and began to surreptitiously write, in a way so the woman who had said this incredible sentence wouldn't see me. This in itself, I realised, looked suspicious. Indeed, I sensed that old woman on the other side of me looking at my pad and smiling as she realised exactly what I was doing. Luckily the loud woman, so self-involved and unconcerned about others was too wrapped up in her own world that she didn't see me. So I got away with it. But you should have realised that, because if she had she would have attacked me and ripped up my notebook and I'd never have been able to write this entry.
It's the kind of thing that you will find lots of better examples of at this excellent website.