Warming Up

Up to Glasgow today for RHLSTP with Limmy and Fern Brady. It was a great night, with over 1250 in, so the biggest show I've ever done in terms of ticket sales (which in this case is somewhat down to the guests). It was cracking.

The journey up was a bit nerve wracking. I'd met tour manager James Bollings at Hitchin station and we were going to get the train down to Euston and then jump on a train to Glasgow. We'd left a lot of wiggle room for delays, because the rail system is terrible. But due to a power failure in Hatfield all the three trains that would have got us there in time were delayed and when the announcement explaining the problem finally came, we realised we were not going to make it to Euston in time to catch the train we were booked on. If there was no traffic a cab might have just about got us there in time, but that was a big and expensive risk. But I asked James whether the train stopped at Milton Keynes and it did, so we got a cab there instead. Really we should have just gone from MK anyway. We could have slept in a bit longer and then driven or got a cab and picked up the train at 10.30am. As it was I'd been up at 7am (annoyingly last night was the first time our kids have had a sleep over at their grandparents, but we couldn't make the most of the lie in) and then spent £120 on a cab (the driver said it was time and a half today - but think that was just him playing us a bit). It was worth it, because cancelling the gig would have cost us a lot more than that.

We were at Milton Keynes an hour early so we had a coffee and did some work and made our way to the platform early. Bollings was wearing one of those black and white Palestinian scarves, because he's arty. A man drinking from a can of energy drink approached him, pointed at the scarf and said, “Excuse me mate, do they do those in men's?”

James didn't really understand so the man repeated the enquiry two more times. “Are you taking the piss?” asked James. Not particularly angrily or confrontationally. Just bemused as to why a complete stranger had just been rude to him for little to no reason and probably thinking he was attempting a friendly joke. The man looked a bit bleary-eyed like he might have been having fun last night and long into this morning and not gone to bed.

But he seemed angry that James had asked if he was taking the piss, even though he obviously was taking the piss. He admitted that he was taking the piss and pointed aggressively, like he wanted to turn this issue into a fight. But we didn't really want a fight. His joke had been fairly weak, however much James deserved to have the Mickey taken out of him for his fashion choices and hadn't upset us, but more importantly it was 10.15am and we really needed to catch our train. We hadn't spent £120 on a cab in order just to miss the gig because we were in a cell in Milton Keynes. So we walked away from the aggressive man, but he followed us. 

I had in mind my own anger issues from Friday and wanted to forgive this guy who was clearly trying to make something out of nothing because of something else that had happened to him. But also I found it funny that he'd made this gambit and secretly thought it would have been quite a bold joke had it not been followed up with anger. I laughed as we walked away and the man asked me if I was laughing at him. I told him that I was, but hadn't that been the point of his joke? He asked if I thought I was funny and given it's my job, I had to be honest and tell him that I thought I was.

He wasn't going to leave it, but I saw a rail employee a little way up the platform and called to him and dobbed the bully into teacher. I told the Rail guy that this man was being a bit intimidating and weird and he came down to have a word. Which was decent of him. He remained calm and tried to sort it out. The energy drink man claimed that he'd only started on James because James had been taking the piss out of him for having a shit track suit. It was an interesting self-diss to conjure out of nowhere. He did have quite a shit track suit. Maybe the ostentatious scarf had reminded him of how basic his own clothing was and this was the whole problem. The scarf was definitely worse than the track suit though.

I don't think the guard really believed the guy. After all we were the ones trying to walk away, we looked weak and sober and we weren't drinking an energy drink. But the man did a great job and diffused the whole thing. He came back to talk to us after, hoping we weren't on the same train as the guy, but he got on the one to Birmingham and we were safe.

Luckily this was mainly enjoyable and didn't lead to any actual trouble, but it had been an eventful and expensive day and it wasn't even 10.30 yet. But “Do they do those in men's?” Became a bit of a catchphrase for the rest of the day.

Luckily the rest of the trip was OK and we got into town in good time. Somehow the shows did not exhaust me this time and I stayed up til about 1am having a drink (of tonic) with an old flat mate who'd come to the show and the crew. The hotel was quiet but at about 12.30 a group of young lads in football kits appeared on the mezzanine above us and started catcalling and shouting humorously but a little aggressively. I wondered it the bloke from Milton Keynes had somehow tracked us down.

17 years of entries complete motherfuckers. Warming Up's birthday tomorrow.