They were dismantling the dressing room around my ears as I came in for the last show. There wasn't even a curtain to hide my shame as I changed into my suit, but none of the crew were interested in seeing me in my pants, alas. I had brought presents for everyone, remembering to include the box office staff and front of house bods (who I am guessing from their astonished reaction had had not too many other gifts today) because I am the new Jesus. But also because the staff at the Assembly Rooms have been wonderful and exhibited a professionalism rarely seen at an Edinburgh venue. I will miss them. Yesterday they put a piece of tape saying "Jesus Rocks" on the display screen of my bike, which made me laugh and also set the bike to the hardest level for cycling, which had nearly killed me. They probably hate me.
I knew the audience would be right down tonight, but had figured that if 100 came then that would make it worth doing, if only for the extra revenue. 101 people paid, so I was happy. And it turns out that I averaged 79% ticket sales, an impressive average audience of 272.5 people per show (I noticed a few pregnant women in the crowd accounting for the halves), which is almost up there with my wildest dreams and certainly more than I dared hope for. Over 7000 people in total. Phew-eee.
I managed to hit myself in the face with the microphone at the end of the show tonight, but aside from that it went quite smoothly and the audience made up for their size with their enthusiasm. I had a quick drink with Dan Tetsell after it was all over, marveling at home long ago the AIOTM show now seemed. It is only just over two weeks. It was hard to believe that the whole thing was finally over. It really felt like it would never end this time. I felt a little sad walking out of the venue for the final time.
Then back to the flat. Tom had left mid-afternoon, so it was just me in the place as it had been for the first day or so, giving a nice symmetry to the experience. Oddly I had started the Fringe feeling pretty ill, but was ending it with a fair amount of energy and feeling fit. That is all arse about tit. It was also, coincidentally my 50th night without a drink. Perhaps I should have had a glass of champagne with the crew at both the landmarks, but it feels quite satisfying and frankly almost unbelievable that I got through a whole Fringe without a drop of alcohol. No one could believe it when I told them. But I didn't miss it and to after this it's hard to know what would be a just cause to start again. I am sure I will find one somewhere down the line.
I watched some TV and made myself a bowl of cereal from the remnants of boxes left by my flatmates - Tom's Crunchy Nut Cornflakes and Parsons' Honey Cheerios (was going to eat some of Moorhouse's Weetabix too, but thought that was overkill). But by eating their cereal I felt that they were in part back with me, like a grotesque, breakfast based parody of the Eucharist. It probably doesn't bear too much analysis. I watched Robert Webb being sarcastic about what seemed to me very minor continuity errors on some satellite TV channel. Like much comedy on TV it seemed nasty and superior and the script of the "barbed" remarks was weak. Somehow that made the completion of my 19th Fringe all the more enjoyable. Maybe being on TV isn't everything. Although I still wish I was in Peep Show!
This was also my seventh consecutive Fringe and (amongst other things) I have done 7 different and self-penned solo shows in that time (all of which have been, or almost certainly will be, turned into DVDS). I have also done the full month for every one of those shows. I wondered if anyone else has managed that. It's already quite a feat. I know Jimmy Carr has done a DVD a year for most of the last 10 years, but he doesn't write all his own stuff. Usually by the end of the Fringe I am pulling out my hair and vowing never to return, but tonight I thought about not only doing next year, but trying to do 10 different shows in 10 consecutive years, all of which are tour and DVD worthy. I don't know what I will be doing next year, but I am planning on reviving Talking Cock (and also calling it the Second Coming) for its 10th anniversary in 2012 (and that is not one of the 7 in the chain and nor is it yet on DVD - in this country at least). It's something to aim for and would come hot on the heels of the 10th anniversary of the blog too. And maybe once I have done that, it will be time to give it all up and go and work as a carpenter or something.
Or maybe I should just keep churning this stuff out until someone notices or until I become so successful that I can be sarcastic about minor continuity errors, despite the fact that I know how filming works and what time constraints crews are working against. "Oh look he's holding the cup in his left hand and now it's in his right. The fucking useless idiot. I hope they sacked the low paid continuity person. The mother fucker. I have never made a mistake."
Yeah, I think I could do that.
