Was slightly thrown by the BBC headline "Little Josh put down" or something like that and it took me a second to realise that this was a horse and not a child. Though I quite like the idea of toddlers being sent running round a racecourse, having to leap over fences and the only recourse to be taken if they are injured being to shoot them in the head. A few people would complain I expect, but lovers of this sport of kings would point out how much the toddlers enjoyed it, which would certainly be true. What tiny child wouldn't like that kind of fun and just because they didn't know there was a pretty good chance of one or two of them breaking their legs in the course of the run and that that would mean a bullet in their barely formed faces, then that shouldn't negate the "they love racing" argument to crumble.
Maybe if all horses were given such emotive names - they could all be named after child murder victims or missing kids or babies with leukaemia - then more people would baulk at sending them hurtling at huge speeds towards a massive hedge. Or maybe it would make it even more exciting for them. I don't know.
I tweeted about the shock that that sentence had momentarily caused in me and someone tweeted back saying "I take it you're a vegan then", which I don't think followed at all. You can eat meat and still not want animals to get treated badly in the name of entertainment. I am not even rabidly against horse racing anyway but more concerned by the image of a tiny wide-eyed child being shot as it looked up at its executioner without understanding why this was happening. Though I think if that had to happen then I'd be happiest that it happened to a child called Josh.
I don't want a child to be shot, but if one had to and I had to chose its name, then I think Josh would probably be a good call. That's all I am saying.
For a nation that pukes up at the idea of a bit of horse in our lasagne we seem to have less problem with chucking them at hedges, but that's one of the beauties of living in this screwed up country. I just hope people will look as forgivingly on my toddler racing. Did I mention that tiny monkeys would act as the jockeys? And that horses with the names of dead children would be racing on the same course at the same time (though in a separate contest obviously or it wouldn't be at all fair). And people would get all dressed up and pay to come in and then mainly just get pissed and not really watch, but just bet on which toddler would win and which toddler/monkey/horse would die.
And comedians would stand around the edge making jokes about Findus lasagne, endlessly, until they became funny again.
Anyway, hope you enjoy the Grand National tomorrow whilst you're waiting for my sport to get set up.
