I am being stalked by the girls from the Shark tribe from Shipwrecked 2006:Battle of the Islands. As you may recall I stood near two of them at
the Maxim poker party. The ones I saw there were
this one and
this one. I don't know any of their names. Even though I have just seen their names when I looked them up on the shipwrecked website I still don't know them. They are nothing but faces and beautiful sun-kissed bodies to me.
Then a few days later I was on the tube and found myself sitting opposite
this one. It was a little bit spooky to see her so soon after the others, but I was prepared to pass it off as coincidence. Just because I loved the Sharks best of all and the girls best of all of the Sharks that didn't mean there was any significance to seeing three of them in the space of a week. I let it pass. I mean if I had then seen all the other Shark girls one after the other then maybe that would mean something, like God was telling me to hunt them all down and marry or kill them. God would surely give me the sign as to which of these options he was expecting me to go for. Hopefully polygamous marriage followed by a life on a desert island, but if God tells you to kill loads of women then you can't just ignore him. He's God. Off of the Bible. Or the Koran possibly. We must not question him.
Luckily I didn't see any more of the Sharky-babe-as (this is an excellent Kinder egg based joke and I love Kinder eggs as much or more than young women - do you get a free toy inside a woman? I don't think so. Maybe I will find out if I have to kill some of them. The only free gift I ever got from inside a woman was clamydia, which is not as good as even the worst kinder egg toy (probably one of those 8 piece jigsaws - I am a 38 year old man, such a puzzle is much too easy for me. I am mature).
But today on my way to lose more money at poker (my bad luck knows no bounds - I am not even going to bore you with the details) I was walking along Shepherd's Bush green and I saw
this one. She's the one who got kidnapped by the evil Tigers leading to the whole unfair debacle where
this one was forced to switch sides. He's called John. I can remember all the men ones' names.
I didn't have time to say hello or shout - "you are a shark" or attempt to kill or marry her (I think it would be foolish to attempt either until God has made it clear what he wants), but I think that fact that I have now seen four of the shark women in little over a month (and none of the Tiger women - come on, what are the chances? A billion to one) must mean that God has some kind of Shipwrecked 2006: Battle of the Islands based plan for me. You have to admit there is something going on here. Let's hope it ends in babies rather than a bloodbath. But God I will do whatever you tell me. It's up to you. I am your willing instrument of love or death. Or if I get my best choice - both. But love first. I am not sick.
