Tonight was my hardest show so far and I made a couple of mistakes, but though the smaller crowd (about 100 I think) were less responsive than the others, I think I managed to keep focused and did it well. But if you're not getting the rolling laughter then it's harder to make the flights of fancy really take off.
As always how the show went affected my mood and I felt the need to be a little solitary, so went for some pasta at a little cafe nearby. It was lovely to have some time to myself to think, as the nature of this year's show is making me quite reflective and I think there are some massive personal and professional issues that I need to address, for the sake of feeling slightly more fulfilled in my life.
So much as I have enjoyed the socialising of the first week here, it was a welcome relief to sit alone and eat spaghetti and not be drinking beer. It is more difficult to do than you might imagine, because there is so much going on in Edinburgh that there is always that teenage-style dread that you might be missing out on something. Luckily I am now 40 and can occasionally overcome these fears, plus my legs are old and heavy and my bed seemed like the place I would like to be more than anywhere.
So I headed back to my flat and watched some Simpsons DVDs and ate some biscuits and got away from the hustle and bustle. This was probably a good idea as it meant I was in bed, almost entirely sober, by 1am. I fell asleep quickly, even without the anesthetic qualities of lager to guide me on my way. Edinburgh is still an emotional rollercoaster for me, even after all this time, and it is exhausting. Every time you hit a high, you have to be prepared for the carriage to plunge you downwards. And when you're down, you can be pretty sure you'll be shot upwards again at any second. And it's very very rare that the carriage comes off the tracks completely and send you hurtling to a bloody and painful death. But don't get complacent. It can happen.
