Oh Jesus H from Steps Christ, what fucking religious lunacy is going on now? As you may have read
Pastor Terry Jones is planning to burn copies of the Koran on September 11th as some form of Christian protest against Islam because.... well who knows? It doesn't follow any of the Christian principles that I can see in the New Testament and shows a lack of self-awareness and understanding that could only be seen in someone who believed unwaveringly in the fact that their old book is true, whilst all the other old books are written by the devil. No part of his brain is able to consider the fact that maybe it's his book that is written by the devil, or that none of the books are true or even that they are actually all about different people's views of the same god, but you know all this. It's hardly worth talking about.
Of course Muslims should equally realise that this is a pathetic, childish stunt and that you can't harm a god by burning up some paper (mainly because that god doesn't exist) and just ignore this idiot, but some of them won't, because they are equally deluded and idiotic as the man doing it, so problems will ensue and people will probably get injured and killed and tensions will increase and people will be radicalised on both sides and so on to the self-fulfilling prophecy of Armageddon. Brilliant.
But it's amazing to think that in this huge world, all you have to do to get all this publicity is threaten to burn a book. I wish I had thought of this for Edinburgh. My PR people (who measure success in column inches rather than in whether what is written is positive or constructive) would be delighted. Next year's show might be called "Burning the Koran: with the Bible for an encore". In fact maybe I could burn all different religious and scientific texts and see if there is any noticeable difference to the way they burn.
I suppose I committed a worse crime by ripping up a copy of Stewart Lee's book. After all he is considered by many to be a living God. I am surprised I am still able to walk the streets.
So everyone is getting cross with Pastor Terry Jones for doing something that is likely to lead to death and destruction, but is it really his fault. If he's not mentally ill, then he's the only sane one and the rest of us are nuts. There are only 50 people in his loopy-doop church (because let's face it, even in America, the majority of Christians understand their religion is about forgiving people and turning the other cheek) and he is using the tactics of a toddler to get the world's attention. And so wouldn't it be better if the world used the tactics of a parent and just ignored him and let him get on with it and paid him no attention. Because if this hadn't been reported upon by the media then no Muslims would know about it and no repercussions would ensue. Perhaps the media have the duty to report about absolutely everything, no matter what the consequences, or perhaps they too have to think about what will happen if they do. Sometimes you know a piece of information that is true, but don't say anything about it because of what will happen if other people know about it. We make these decisions every single day. So it's a shame that the people in charge of distributing our news can't be equally as discrete. Because in a way, if anything happens as a result of this publicity stunt then it will be the fault of the people who decided to make it into a news story. Now any idiot in the world knows that if they want to get people talking about them they just have to do something as idiotic as this and the press will do the rest. So that's next year's Edinburgh definitely sorted out.
Of course I have arguably now added to the problem by writing my own thoughts on the matter - there were probably a few of you who hadn't seen this story who I have now informed. And if people ignored adults doing childish stunts to get attention then I suppose my career would be fucked too.
But the irony of all this is that Pastor Terry Jones and all the people getting furious about the "Mosque" "at" Ground Zero and the politicians starting up illegal wars are just playing into the hands of the people who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks who were surely trying to create religious tension with the ultimate goal of Holy War. We need to fight against this by not rising to the issue and by showing tolerance. But of course a Christian offering to hug a Muslim on 9/11 would probably not get as much worldwide coverage. Or a Christian printing Korans. Or a combined Bible and Koran. Or all religious people just agreeing that it was impossible to know who was right and that everyone is more likely to be wrong and that it probably wasn't worth getting your knickers in a twist about.
Maybe next year in Edinburgh I will rip up a Bible and a Koran and then randomly stick them back together in the hope that that will create religious unity. And rather like Alan Parker Urban Warrior's attempt to create a combined Rangers and Celtic scarf, I rather suspect it will unite Muslims and Christians and Jews if I do that.
