Warming Up

My son has a new catchphrase and it's a fucking belter of a put down. Both my kids are masters of vulgarity and make my own long-running childhood catchphrase “Poo poo, wee wee, bottom” seem infantile by comparison. 

Here it comes - “You farted in your nappy.”

Occasionally he says “pooed” instead of farted, but that is nowhere near as funny. What a great insult the fart one is. Not only do you wear nappies, but you can't even use them properly. The best you could do is to fart in it. You couldn't even go the whole hog and fill it with shit. You wear a nappy and you can't even shit in it.

I am so proud of my kids. They are going to take comedy to places that I could never imagine with my dull repetition of “poo poo, wee wee, bottom”. All I had going for me was the determination to say that phrase at least ten times a day for well over a decade. But come on, “You farted in your nappy.” I am going to try that out on hecklers, if we ever get back into theatres and clubs with an audience.

I got a fair amount done today, but mainly admin sort of stuff, like signing loads of Punani sticker albums as 37 distinct people and posting off Christmas Emergency Questions books.  I also put together a pressure washer I've bought to help me clean the car and the paving stones in the garden. The instructions on how to put it together were pretty poor, relying on close up hand drawn pics of the device with no real indication of which screws went where. But I managed it and tried it out and it all seemed to work. I washed one paving slab. But it was a bit wet and horrible outside anyway so I then put the machine in the garage. I wonder if it will just stay there. We don't have any off road space (at least where we can splash water around, so it will be tricky cleaning the car with it, but I have a plan. And I want it more to keep the dirt to an acceptable level than to do a full on clean.

Anyway, I am a proper man. So deal with it.

Other than that I had a long internet discussion with a man who claimed that I should have been disqualified after choosing a Cornetto as a thing that was bigger at the top than at the bottom, because as it was held in the hand and couldn't be placed on the cone, there was no way of knowing where the top or the bottom was. I jovially called him a fucking idiot. If you asked 100 people what the top of an ice cream cone was then I think 80 of them would immediately call you a fucking idiot for just bothering to ask the question. And 19 more would do so after you told them you thought that the bottom was the top. And the other one would be you. As someone pointed out, why do they call the stuff you put on the top of an ice cream “toppings”. As someone else pointed out, the way up that they put Cornetto on the wrapper is probably an indication.

But could you get a more social media discussion than this?

Last day of Movember - thanks if you were one of the people who sponsored me (it got pushed up to over £2000 tonight). The tache is looking pretty solid. I am not going to shave it off yet as I want to film some more Dibdin and I am doing a small part in a film on Thursday and Friday and they want me to keep it for my character (who isn't even a sex pest- as far as I can tell).  The month went fast. My moustache grew slow.