I had a most welcome lie-in today and emerged from my bedroom at about midday to discover that Prince William was engaged to be married. And not to me. Looks like I will have to wait until the next generation to fulfill my dream of becoming a Princess. And eventually an old Queen. In modern Britain nothing is impossible and I look forward to marrying Will and Kate's first child and one day being your monarch's consort. I am not giving up on this.
Later I was surprised and a little freaked out (as were you) to see that William had given Kate his mother's iconic engagement ring, which I will remember from the early 1980s, when she shyly and proudly displayed it, as Prince Charles stood on a step behind her. Whilst I understand William's motives (I am presuming he is too tight to shell out for his own ring from a shop) it still jarred a little to see it again.
"Will you marry me?"
"Oh, of course I will."
"Great, well just give me your hand and let me put on this CURSED RING!"
"Oh no, no. Well I've said yes now. I can't back out. Noooooo!"
The ring signifies surely the doomed marriage that it belonged to and even someone without an ounce of superstition in their body might think it was a mistake to make it the starting point of another royal marriage. The love and his mother's life were doomed and it just seems to be tempting fate. And I don't believe in fate. But this seems a controversial enough move to make fate actually spring into existence and force it to make things go doubly wrong.
Now that I have a few weeks without a massive imposing deadline I have found myself to be a lot happier and brighter and feeling healthier. I have managed to get back to the gym for the last couple of days and done a lot of working and I felt better than I have done for ages this afternoon as I walked from a podcast record at the Guardian building down to Piccadilly Circus.
I stopped off for dinner at one of the many new Itsu sushi restaurants that are springing up all over town. The times on the door said it shut at 7pm, but it was 7.15 and it was still serving. The man behind the counter saw me looking at the times and I thought rather over enthusiastically informed me that the times were wrong and it was open until 8. The produce on the shelves seemed a little bit higgledy-piggeldy, with different items than were mentioned above each label and in a semi-joking, semi-paranoid state I began to wonder if somehow the "member of staff" had just chanced across an unlocked shop and decided to open it up for another hour and pocket the money he received or alternatively that he might actually work there, but rather than throwing away the unsold sushi at the end of the day he had decided to stay open and sell it. That would be the perfect crime surely. It was a busy road and he was bound to get some custom, but he himself would be able to pocket all the money he took at the tills. I would guess he would be lucky to be earning much more than £10 an hour and so a good hour of selling to eight or nine people could net him as much as he would get in a day of work. He wouldn't have to pay tax and surely no one from Itsu would ever spot that the shop was open late or miss the food that would have been binned in any case. In fact surely it's better that the man would be making money and feeding people rather than wasting the food. The only real impediment to this being a reality was that he put the transaction through the tills and gave me a receipt, but it wouldn't be too hard for a computer whizz to set up an account by which he could do this, without anyone finding out. If a boss of Itsu did pass by one night and ask him what he was doing he could claim that he hadn't noticed the time, or that he was just keen and could declare that night's takings. But he could easily net himself £500 a week, tax free like this for only a few extra hours work.
If he wasn't doing this himself then someone out there definitely should do it. I mean I don't want to give any criminals ideas, but who loses out in this situation? Not Itsu - they are only throwing stuff away. Not the customer - they get to eat delicious, healthy Itsu food even if they want their dinner at a later time than would officially be allowed. Not the worker - he supplements his poor wages by doing some extra work. Maybe the tax man. Although if the shop was closed as it should be then he would be making no money anyway. It is a victimless crime. If anything it helps people. And if this is what the slightly odd man was doing tonight in this sushi restaurant then I for one would not condemn him.
Unless he's also wanked into the sushi boxes. And to be honest it would be hard to tell if he had, just by the very nature of sushi. If that's why he's doing it then he should go to gaol for 30 years and Itsu should pay someone to have my mouth and intestines professionally cleaned. But that's not too likely surely.
Fast food servers of the world. Heed my advice. Keep your restaurant open for an extra hour and sell the stuff that would be thrown away (or given to the homeless - screw them, with their no homes) and beat the recession.
I do love Itsu though. More than I love Nandos. If I was a millionaire I would eat in Itsu for every meal (wasabi for breakfast, what's next marmalade for lunch?). To be fair I would need to be a millionaire to do that. But if my supper money all went to the enterprising but criminal staff, would that really be so bad?
