Electricity has become my enemy. Or at least is trying to show me how badly I would cope without it. I thought I had been appreciative enough of its sparky magic, but apparently not. Everything is fine in the house, thank goodness, but I got in my car tonight to discover that the battery had gone flat and there was only enough power to eerily light the overhead light when I opened the door, and little else. I put in the key and turned it, but all I got was the faintest splutter of light from the dashboard and then nothing. And then the alarm went off and I couldn't stop it. Has my road been hit by a small nuclear device that has taken out all the electricity? Or have aliens landed nearby and disrupted everything. Or are the gods who create the invisible and magic force showing their displeasure because I have not prayed to them enough, or gone to electricity church for so long.
Unlike the other gods the electricity ones give daily demonstrations of their awesome power, thus proving their existence and maybe we do take them for granted. It's certainly an enormous ball ache when they take away the necromancy that they usually provide so reliably. Unlike other gods they do tend to send a bill for their services, but then again that just proves that they definitely exist and to be honest I am happy to pay this stipend and tithe because for once this is a god that gets results. Maybe you think gods should do stuff for free because they love us, but I prefer the honesty at play here. The Christian God can't really love me. I am such a prick. He might say He does, but what has He done to show it lately? Nothing. Here was His perfect opportunity to show me. He could have made my car work and maybe fly and be able to travel in time. But no, I just turned the key and no god came to my aid. Unless God rides a black cab.
Which he really fucking doesn't. That would be a very inefficient way for him to make money from his awesome powers.
But all the gods do seem to be racist and hate anyone with a different religion, so maybe there's a chance for him.
I got a cab home later too (the electricity gods cost me £60 tonight) and was feeling quite relieved about it, as the snowy conditions were bad and at least I didn't have to risk my life driving in them. Just as I was thinking this the cab driver got a bit agitated about a bus that he felt was cutting him up, beeped his horn and overtook it. There was a big bump, which I was pretty sure at the time was the bus nudging the cab very slightly right by my door. I told the driver he had been hit, but he was sure he hadn't been. If I was right it had been the most minor of accidents (and I forgot to look for damage when I got out) but there had definitely been a jolt. And the bus was beeping its horn at us for some good time afterwards. But I really wanted to get home so I didn't make too much fuss about it.
Yesterday on the Utter Shambles Josie Long had told a terrifying tale of a really bad crash she'd been in, which fortunately and unbelievably everyone had walked away from unscathed. I had no near death experience to rival hers, but now I think you'll agree I do. I was in a taxi that might have been slightly nudged by a bus. If that bus had only been going about 70 miles an hour faster and had hit us properly I could be dead now. I am going to live every moment to the full from now on.
