I was in all morning, so was a bit annoyed when I picked up the post to find one of those cards that the postman leaves when he has something to deliver and you're out. Even more annoyed when I saw that it was not for a package but for payment due, because whoever had sent me whatever this was had not put enough stamps on it. I owed Ian Post-Office £1.58 (58p for the stamp and £1 handling charge). If the postman had only rung the bell I could have had a look at the letter to see if it was worth paying for. It might just be some junk mail or a bill and I wouldn't have to have paid for it. But Ian PO is wise to that game and as it turned out paying the post man himself is no longer an option. He just gives you the card and then you have to go to the depot, or attach £1.58 worth of stamps to the card and post it, or go online and pay by credit card.
Now, no one really posts me much any more and there's every chance that this package will not be worth the money, but it's a hard thing to just let go. What if it is an amazing present from an absent minded elderly relative (not got many of those left) or a surprise package of bank notes or a love letter from a secret admirer? On the other hand what if it's a box full of dog shit or an album of pictures of me with my eyes scratched out from an insane fan who has followed me home? To be honest in that case I'd quite like to know if it was either of those. And it it is just a friend who has sent me something and neglected to put on a stamp then I'd like to know so I can bill them for their idiocy.
So few people mail me anything nowadays that it's almost certainly something shit, but it's hard to resist knowing what it is and who I owe a punch to their upper arm. It's almost worth Ian Post-Office deliberately sending these things out to people, knowing that they won't be able to fight off their curiousity and/or anger and then just sit back and wait for the handling fees to roll in, before delivering a bit of junk mail out of his bin. It's a license to print money.
I had to pay to find out the truth. I know it can only end in pain. I have been stung five ways from Tuesday here. I just hope the item isn't embarrassing, because I know that I am going to have to tell you what it is when it arrives.
But losing 158pence isn't really all that bad. Tonight I booked tickets to see Matilda at the Cambridge theatre next month and it cost me £136 for two not very near the front tickets in the stalls. From what I hear it's a brilliant show, but I can't believe it costs that much to go to the threatre these days. I could buy nearly 3 haircuts for that. Or about 1360 cups of tea in a 1970s service station. Ian West-End really knows how to screw people. He laughs at the pathetic attempts of Ian Post-Office.
