The first time I performed at the Edinburgh Fringe was in a lunchtime sketch show with a group called The Seven Raymonds (there were six of us and none of us were called Raymond. Are you beginning to get an idea of how funny we were?). I performed to audiences of almost five people a day, slept on the cold floor of a Masonic temple and remember occasionally crying myself to sleep
.. It was one of the most fantastic experiences of my life. Genuinely. I was hooked.
In the last 15 years I have shared a stage with the before-they-were-famous stars, Steve Coogan, Sally Phillips and Alistair Macgowan (how come theyve gone on to do really well and I havent!?), written a musical about Rasputin based on the music of Boney M, years before the likes of Mama Mia and We will Rock You (the mistake I made there was choosing the music of a band that no-one actually likes), nearly had a fight with the bassist from Del Amitri, appeared almost completely naked in a play about archaeology (I kept my socks on, I have some dignity) and drunk enough Scottish beer to fill Loch Ness three and a half times over (Ive done the sums. Its an accurate figure).
In all those Edinburghs, Ive fallen in love a few times, fallen in bed a few more, Ive been heckled, attacked, had some terrible reviews, lost thousands and thousands of pounds, and every now and again I still cry myself to sleep. So why do I keep going back?
Because it is the best festival in the world. You dont have to be invited to do it like with most of the others. If you have an idea and some money to lose and dont mind performing in a church crypt at 3am, then youre in. And although there are TV contracts, glittering prizes and overnight success to be had for a lucky (or unlucky) minority it really isnt about that. For me its about experimentation, going back every year, trying again, failing again, failing better. Trying something new, taking risks and hopefully building up an audience as you go. From those four bemused and occasionally amused people a night in 1987, to a jam packed room of 200 hysterical idiots in 2001. But even so Im going up this year, still nervous, still worried about whether anyone will come, still risking failure and hoping for success.
And its also the best festival in the world to come to as a punter. Big names from TV and film rubbing shoulders with the likes of the Seven Raymonds. You can have a drink with a proper celebrity (I once met the girl from the Britta water filter ad. Thats right, look impressed) You find the show you wanted to go and see is sold out, so you look through the listings and take a punt on an unknown. It might be terrible, it might be great. But if its terrible youll have a great time laughing about it in the bar afterwards. And if its great. If you chance across the next Harry Hill or Al Murray or Ricky Gervaise then you can spend the rest of your life being one of those terrible smug bores who says I saw him when he was nothing. Pile of sh**e he was too!. You see Edinburgh really is a no lose situation.
Im trying to think of my favourite memory of Edinburgh and for some reason this one has popped into my mind. At one show I was surprised to see TV funny man Les Dennis sitting in the audience. I said Hey Les, can you do a Mavis Riley impression for us? And Les rather vehemently replied. No! And then I said Thats right, you cant, can you? Is it possible to be both proud and ashamed at the same time. But God bless him Les Dennis laughed along with everyone else.
5 recommended shows
Jerry Springer, the opera I;ve always hated opera. And Ive never been much of a fan of the Jerry Springer show. But put them together and you have one of my all time favourite theatrical experiences. Funny, rude, heart-warming and thought-provoking. I guarantee this will be sell-out success. Assembly Rooms
Francesca Martinez in Imperfect
. Or is it Im perfect? Francesca is a very promising young comic and this is her first hour long show. If you need a hair cut, then pop along. Youll see. The Pleasance
John Hegley:The Sound of Paint Drying
. Hegley is amazingly clever, amazingly funny and an amazingly nice man. Beautiful language, wonderful ideas, comedy with a heart. Pleasance.
Daniel Kitson Something. Billing himself as the 2001 perrier award loser, I think there is a very good chance he will be the 2002 perrier award winner. So book your tickets now. Right now. Do it now or youll be too late
. Oh you waited too long. I warned you. Pleasance
Deep Throat Alex Lowes show on 70s wrestlers was so good I saw it five times. The one he did about Radio 1 DJs was great too. So his oral history of Linda Lovelace should be well worth a visit. Assembly Rooms
