So if I have been informed correctly then this is my 1000th Warming Up entry. One thousand consecutive days of rubbish. Not one day off. I suppose itÂ’s some kind of achievement. Thanks for reading some or all of my stuff. I hope youÂ’ve liked most of it.
It’s Saturday night of week two in Edinburgh, which means it’s time for people to start falling over. I was enjoying a nice drink with my erstwhile double act partner Stewart Lee and discussing how offended I was by the rubbish Channel 4 show “Balls of Steel” last night (horrible, unpleasant, adult version of happy-slapping which will surely lead to children copying the antics and someone getting hurt- yes we were discussing how old we had become, but it did make Bo Selecta look sophisticated) when there was a crash of a glass behind us. A young woman was in a heap next to the broken glass. She was seemingly out for the count and it was hard to tell whether this was the result of an afternoon drinking strong German lager or something more serious or health based. I was just getting my phone out to call an ambulance when she seemed to come round. Her friend seemed satisfied that she was OK. Maybe they could do a segment on “Balls of Steel” based on this, forcing young people to drink Hoegarden until they pass out and/or die. That would be as hilarious as putting dog-shit (probably fake, not that any of the victims would know this) on a pedestrian crossing button.
Undeterred by the possible consequences of drinking lager, I carried on doing so, even though I had a gig at Spank and a radio interview later. Luckily everyone at Spank was as drunk as me and I got away with my unprofessionalism (and in any case had had to follow a totally naked man promoting his show “Terrorism-the Musical” by twisting his genitals into the shape of a hamburger) and had a nice enough gig.
As I left the club, slightly merry (the second most drunk I have been so far this Edinburgh and certainly not about to fall over myself) I passed the prostrate figure of a very pale young man, lying in a pool of sick. He was being attended to by a group of people, though one of them rather worryingly was asking if the unfortunate fellow was still breathing. Luckily he was.
There was nothing that I could do to assist in this situation and I didnÂ’t want to hang around gawping so went on my way. I was only a few yards further on when the sound of an ambulance siren could be heard approaching. Hopefully a stomach pump and a night in hospital would have been enough to sort him out.
I suppose itÂ’s just another Saturday night out in a big city. I walked down the hill to my flat, hoping I would at least make it to my bed before I passed out.
