I have been less writing and more playing poker online recently. It's all part of the process. Shakespeare played a lot of inline poker whilst waiting for inspiration. And that is true.
I've been doing OK this year though and I believe I am slightly ahead, but may have lost track and you must never trust a gambler when he says that.
Anyway, I thought I'd go and try and work in my posh club in central London today. It would have been the perfect plan, but they have wireless internet access there, so it didn't stop my mad obsession. I still got some work done though, but you're used to how rubbish I am at working by now if you've being attention and it always comes out OK huh?
I was in the upstairs bar and for most of the afternoon was on my own, but at about 4pm a few people came in and started having phone conversations which is against the rules. But they were talking in loud voices about the world of proper work, which was entertaining for me, whose working day involves mainly drinking coffee, going to the gym, having lunch, playing poker and then clocking off at about 4.30pm. It's a tough job but someone has to do it.
One of the women on the phone was particularly loud. She was obviously working as a publicist for some record company (possibly Universal who were having a gathering in the next room) which is a thankless and horrible job to have and if it was me doing it I would make sure I talked in a quiet voice in public or made sure no-one was around.
She was from somewhere in Europe and was really pushing her wares to some journalist or DJ on the other end of the phone. This is what she said. I wrote it down because I knew you would want to hear about it. "I will tell you today," she shouted, "Pussycat Dolls is a global priority and I will push everyone to do it." I know that sentence makes little sense, but that's what she said. It's a frightening thought that the Pussycat Dolls could be anyone's global priority. Out of all the things on the globe, for someone they are the most important. She was saying it loud enough for most of the globe to hear. She wasn't ashamed of being the publicist for Pussycat Dolls. I suppose that the first test of getting a job in PR. "Would you be embarrassed shouting about the Pussycat Dolls down a phone? And having to say they were the most important thing in the world?"
"Yes, to be honest I would be embarrassed by that. Surely they are a flash in the pan at best and an offence to all fans of music and anyone who wants to move the cause of feminism onwards rather than backwards."
"Oh sorry. I don't think you're suitable for this job in PR."
"You mean there are people who wouldn't be embarrassed?"
"There are some. In Eastern Europe. Where they have been exposed to very little popular music."
Even though work isn't going as well as poker, it made me glad I have the job I have. I may feel disappointed with my progress, but I don't feel like I need to scrub my skin with a wire brush to get the dirt off.
If you are a fan of the Pussycat Dolls (I wish my girlfriend was a whore like them - which I think is the essence of their first major hit) then you may be interested in some other facts I have gleaned from the megaphone style conversation. Their next single will be out in April and features Snoop Doggy Dog (who is not a real dog, but I am sure they will make much of the Pussycats getting together with the Dog. It will be brilliant). I knew the name of the single but I have forgotten it.
Now I have done the woman's job for her by publicising this fact I wonder if the conversation was actually for my benefit. They say big business is trying to tap into blogs. And I am sure they would pay big bucks to have a cool dude like me bigging up their latest single. So do put in your orders for the new single from the Pussycat Dolls. They are da bomb.
