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Friday 28th October 2005

So nearly another month over and though the script is in better shape it's still not done. So today I booked myself into a health farm for next week, so I can get away from all distractions, try and treat myself nicely and hopefully get the script finished in the process. It will be nice to have a few days run at it, rather than being distracted by gigs and script editing and interviewing minor celebrities and fingers crossed this time next week I will have a workable first draft of this fucking thing.
It's a halfway house between working and being a holiday, but might be enough to recharge my batteries. It's been a full on year in many ways and as a comedian it is very hard to find time to have an official holiday.
Mind you last time I went to this particular health farm (it's not something I regularly do, one of my previous girlfriends went a lot, but it seems like the right thing for my current situation) I got a massage from a man who used hot and cold stones placed on your body for some or other purpose. Strangely he insisted that I was naked (underneath the towel I had round me) whilst usual practice is to provide some underwear to protect the massagees modesty. I had been very tense and the massage was very relaxing, but about twenty minutes in the man's hand brushed nonchalently against my penis. It might have been an accident and I let it go, but then it happened again later. Or so it seemed - maybe I was so under that I was in that place between sleep and wakefulness in which people end up being abused by aliens and so on. But I am pretty sure I didn't dream it and to brush against someone's penis once in such circumstances might be taken as accidental, but twice smacks of more than carelessness. I didn't make a fuss at the time, because that would have been embarrassing and no harm had been done - luckily for me I was being massaged by a quite funny looking middle-aged man. Had the incident involved a sexy young woman in stockings and a short nurse's skirt then I might have enjoyed it at least a little. It's one of those things that I was immediately laughing off with the people I was with. And to be honest if a middle aged man can get some kind of pleasure out of surreptitiously touching me whilst I am practically comatose (as long as he hasn't drugged me) then I don't have a big problem with that. It's nice to give something back to society. If it had happened another time I might have punched him though.
I don't think I will be going for the hot/cold stone massage this time unless there is a box you can check on the form that says it will be done by a sexy woman in a uniform of my choice. Then I might consider it.

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