Today I ran further than I have in a single outing since
the 18th of April 2004 (when I ran 26.2 miles without stopping). I ran 9 miles in 99 minutes in the blazing midday sun of the hottest September 30th in over 100 years. It was not easy. We hadn't taken out any water with us, but got to 7 and a half miles before we had an opportunity to buy some. So given these extreme and difficult circumstances it was an enjoyable and satisfactory run. In little over a week I will have to do that distance and a little over four more miles, but today that felt achievable. Especially if the sun will desist from thinking it's summer. Stupid sun.
Still hard to believe it's over seven years since I did the Marathon and the Boat Race. I passed teenage school kids taking their boats out on to the river from the very boat houses we used and thought about how they would have been maybe six when I last did that. Stupid children, measuring out the passage of time with their sprouting limbs.
It's good to know I can still do this, and I actually enjoyed it, even if the last mile was a little tough. I am hoping that I will keep the running up a bit more regularly once the race is done, if my knees and other joints can hold up. I had my left knee and ankle strapped up today just in case with funky looking supports. It made me feel a bit like I was part cyborg. If I am finding it difficult on the day I will simply pretend that I am a robot, unable to feel pain and capable of running for 1000 years without stopping. In fact I might live my whole life like that. And if the support socks don't work then I might just replace my useless, vulnerable fleshy parts with machinery. I will never die.
My immediate reaction on hearing about the death of Anwar al-Awlaki who was blown up by a US drone today was take that Anwar! How do you like being blown up? Maybe you'll think twice before blowing up other people now. It's not very nice is it?
But then I realised that someone will have to blow up America again to teach them that blowing things up isn't nice. You'd think they would have learned that already, but people seem to forget how unpleasant being blown up is and concentrate more on blowing up the people who blew them up. Let's stop blowing up our enemies. We could try just blowing them. That would probably make them a lot less angry and tense and also make them like us a lot more I think. "Wow, I blew up your buildings and now you're blowing me. That makes me feel pretty silly, I have to say. I won't blow up anything again." It's kind of Jesus' "turn the other cheek" idea taken to the extreme. But I think it would quickly stop war. Unless they began to think that the way to get the blow jobs was to blow stuff up. But then Barrack Obama would just have to say, "don't worry guys, I will blow you whenever you want. If that stops war and violence then I am happy to do it. Though obviously once I'm finished it's your turn to do me, that's just politeness." He'd definitely win the Nobel Peace Prize for that kind of behaviour. In fact the Nobel committee might have to bring in a whole new Blow Job prize to cope with this.
Anyway I will miss Anwar al-Awlaki. I didn't agree with everything he said or did, but he was always nicely turned out and that is important. And I feel sorry for him that he died before my new blow job peace initiative was ratified.
I think all war could be wiped out if more people were given blow jobs. I suspect most wars are started due to a lack of fellatio. On Twitter I blamed gay men and women for all war, because clearly they weren't working hard enough in the blow job department, but a few people pointed out that if anyone it is the heterosexual men who are giving the least blow jobs and are thus more culpable for all war. Which I guess is true and how it's always been.
Maybe blow jobs is a step too far. I think most wars could be solved if enemy combatants just blew on each other. It would be all tickly and make them giggly and it's really hard to be angry with someone if they make you feel like that. They might playfully slap you, but that's better than being shot.
It's a shame that the default war setting is blowing stuff up - that should be the last resort. Blow on people and then if that doesn't work (or if it works really well) then blow them. And only then if they're still cross and fighty should you send in the drones.
Someone did a lovely thing today which was to set up a monthly direct debit for £1.58 to SCOPE. It's not a fortune, but it's a lovely gesture, turning Ian Post-Office's greed into a symbolic positive thing. Warming Up makes me no money (
it is available on Kindle, but so far not enough people have subscribed for me to reach the point where any money comes to me - but it's making about £100 a month for Ian Kindle) and has about 3000 readers and 3000 people listening to the audio version (there may be some crossover here). Let's say there's just 3000 of you. If you feel that nine years of unbroken blogging has been worth something to you, then we could make about £5000 a year for SCOPE if you all set up the same direct debit, for a sum that you almost certainly wouldn't notice going out of your bank account. You don't have to and I am pretty sure that at least 2900 of you won't, but it'd be lovely if you all
set up a direct debit for £1.58 a month (or any sum you wished). Go on it'll take you a second. You'll forget all about it, but together you'll be doing something beautiful in an ugly world. It's either that or you all come round my place to give me a monthly blow job. And to be honest the only people who would actively want to do that are the last people I'd like to get blow jobs from.
