I ventured out on to the streets today and I don't think I imagined the strange looks I was getting. I don't think people were thinking, "Isn't that Percy from episode one of the short-lived drama series "Servants"?" I think they were thinking, "My God, look at the freakish lipped lip freak. He is against God and nature. Have him killed."
Certainly the instinctive glances of disgust and horror would seem to confirm this. As did the then equally instinctive licking or sucking of the lips that nearly all these people followed up their appalled reaction with. They licked their own lips incidentally- licking my lips was the last thing on their mind and if this strange condition does not clear up then I may never have anyone lick my lips again. Which is a shame. Because that is the only act of affection that I enjoy. Someone licking my lips and face. Kissing is for weirdos.
I started to worry about what my life would be like if this turns out to be a permanent disfigurement. Or if other parts of my body inexplicably start to swell up and double in size. Actually thinking about it in certain areas of the body that could be a good thing. I have always fancied having gigantic ears. (Ha ha, you thought I meant my penis. But I didn't)
I went for lunch with some of my old University friends. They are all married with kids and I know they think I have an exciting single life of hedonism and passion so I was tempted to pass my disability off as the consequence of a fist fight. "Yeah, I've got a swollen lip, but you should have seen the other guy!" But I cannot lie to them, however much they live their lives vicariously through me. All they have is the love of their wives and children, so you can imagine how they envy my lifestyle of playing internet poker alone and getting drunk. I had to show them that it was not all glamour and that sometimes a pustulating spot will go bad and infect my mouth. Sometimes it's the pus that is greener on the other side of the fence.
We moaned on about our problems, like the grumpy old men that we are on the verge of becoming, me about my current inability to get any work done, them about the problems of getting babies to sleep and other such stuff (I don't know what, I wasn't really listening. I have a big lip and thus have problems enough of my own). However finding out my friends were stressed and slightly depressed made me feel a lot better about myself. This is what friends are for. Just make sure you don't become friends with anyone happy or successful or just don't see those friends. It felt like my lip was getting better the more I half-listened to.
As we parted Tim shouted to me "Keep a stiff upper lip, Char".
You have to love your friends.
