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She didn't show. Ernie took it well. He made other murderous friends. They failed to catch fish even with a net.
Ernie also speculated that if he didn’t catch a fish he might find a chest full of pirate treasure. It is good to dream. I worried it would break his net.
Later we saw the girl in Cafe Rouge with her dad. They must have seen us, but she ghosted Ernie and didn't even say hello. Life is tough on the tenderest hearts. Each blow makes them harder.
I was eating a chicken leg and it got me thinking about how birds are the descendants of dinosaurs and I wondered if dinosaurs also tasted this good. Was their flesh like birds or more like crocodile? I have eaten both. But I suddenly fancied tucking into a huge T-Rex leg to find out. And I think Jurassic Park might have got it wrong. If they bring back dinosaurs I think people will be much more interested in eating them than looking at them. Also a dinosaur cafe where all the dinosaurs are dead is less likely to end in disaster. I wondered if Richard Attenborough thought about serving up the dinosaurs that died in a Jurassic Park cafe or whether he'd just go of the generic crap you get in most restaurants at theme parks. To be fair you don't go to the zoo and then get served up antelope or tiger in the cafe. But zoos might do better if they offered that. The could just do animals that had died naturally or ones that there were too many of, like penguins. Is it morally worse to keep animals in cages or to murder and eat them? It's the second one obviously.
What if they had another service where you could have sex with the animal of your choice? Just to raise extra revenue. I'd definitely like to try and shag a dinosaur, just to say I had. Also an okapi. Though I'd like to keep that quiet.
I continued to get recognised, but never in an intrusive way - just weird that it's happening now rather than on any of the other occasions we've been to CP. And it struck me that in all the times I've been to one of these resorts I haven't seen a single celebrity, apart from myself in the mirror. Don't worry I say "Moon on a stick" to my reflection because I expect I love that.
Is there some kind of secret Center Parcs somewhere that all the celebrities go to? They definitely wouldn't tell me if there was - I never get invited to anything. I asked on Twitter if people had ever seen a celebrity at Center Parcs and got very slim pickings. Someone had seen NIgel Planer and Dominic Holland (not together) and others mentioned Charlie Brooker and Konnie Huq and Stewart Lee and Bridget Christie (I can't imagine Stewart being able to stand the place or the attention) and a few other comedians. Also Scroobius Pip and Joe Swash got individual mentions (though I might write a sitcom where they have to come together). Slim pickings though. There must be a secret one for proper celebs.
I am a man of the people and also most people don't know that or who I am, so I will continue to slum it with the other regular folk who can afford the astronomical costs.
I've been enjoying the slides, even though they scare me and I am not going near the extreme ones. But Phoebe and Ernie have been super brave this time and tried out ones that made them too nervous on previous visits. We all did the one that you have to go up an extra set of stairs too and which goes outside and then back inside the building. It was a lot of fun and we did it three times. I went last each time and wanted to back out the first time, but I couldn't lose face in front of my kids.
Ernie overcame more nerves to do the rapid river that he'd had to get out of early last time we were here. He didn't really enjoy it and nearly left again, but he was really proud of himself for trying. We got through it together, holding hands and me letting him know that I found this one scary too (and it's much more unpredictable than the regular slides as there's loads of other people doing it at the same time and most of them are idiots).
As much as I wanted to die on Monday when we got here, this is a great experience as the kids get older. We're taking risks and laughing a lot. We must come again.
