It was the first day of auditions for "You Can Choose Your Friends" today. Hearing actors reading out the script made me realise that this is actually going to happen now. It's different than
the reading we did earlier in the year because then it was about trying to get the script accepted. Now it is going ahead, but starting this process suddenly brought that home to me properly. It's quite exciting.
My producer chastised me for admitting
I had lied to him on this blog last Friday. I had been aware that he would probably read it. That is what made it expecially funny to me. Not that I think he needed to read it in a blog. He knows writers well enough by now. It's fun to occasionally point out the silly charades that go on in my job. He was also surprised that I had time to write my blog when I was supposed to be writing a script, but I can't give up now. Not so close to the four year mark. In any case I have used the blog in the last few days to bat about some of the ideas that I am trying to get into the script. I also think actually forcing myself to write about what was going on helped me to focus properly on the job in hand. This time last week, if you'd told me that I would get the script into a decent shape by Wednesday I would have been very sceptical. Warming Up saved the script. That's my story and I am sticking to it. I have learnt that a blog is no place for honesty!
Auditioning is a weird and cruel process. I have been to do a few auditions myself so know what it's like, but have had more experience of being on the other side of the table, helping to decide who gets the part. Once you've done this it makes failing to get parts at auditions much less depressing. There are so many factors that go into choosing someone for a role and although it easy to feel rejected if you don't get a part it can often be because of circumstances beyond your control. As an auditioner you are looking for certain qualities that you know a character must possess, some to do with personality, some to do with physicality, some to do with who is already cast. Although you want to give everyone a chance you can usually tell in the first two minutes if someone is going to be in the frame for the part. Sometimes you can tell before they have opened their mouth. Of course you give everyone a fair crack and try to offer advice on what you're looking for and to guide them towards that, but usually someone will either have got it (both in terms of being the part and understanding the part) or not.
Everyone we saw today was clearly great at their job and all of them are actors who work regularly, but only three or four people were anywhere close to being what was required. It's obviously so important to get the right people. Hopefully we will manage that over the next couple of weeks.
Then this evening I popped up to Stoke Newington to do a gig at the delightful and ramshackle "Comedy Candy". There's a brilliant atmosphere at the club, thanks in most part to the wonderful MC Janice Phayre, who infects the audience with her silly and spontaneous humour and it's a relaxed atmosphere where you feel free to take some risks, knowing that the audience will go with you.
There was a great five minutes where some people left the room for a drink just as Janice was introducing an act. Affronted by their rudeness Janice asked the audience what we could do to pay these people back on their return.
Someone shouted out "Hide!" and everyone laughed. It's the sort of thing that people often say in this situation, but it's funny. But Janice didn't just want to let the heckler get his laugh. "Come on, why don't we actually do it?" she asked. People laughed, a little nervously. Was she serious? If so they were reluctant to be put to the trouble. "No really, let's all hide!" Janice insisted. "We could probably nearly all get into there," she added, pointing at an alcove at the back. No-one really stirred. Though we wanted to be carried along by this wonderful free spirit of adventure I think people were thinking of the practacalaties. What if you were the only person to go and hide? You'd look stupid. What if the people took ages to get back from the bar? We'd just be crouching there waiting. What if they didn't come back?
I believe most comics would have left the idea there. Janice had got some good laughs from the idea, but it was looking unlikely that people would go with her and surely those impracticalities would over-ride the funniness.
But Janice was insistent and enthusiastic. The audience started to shift. Maybe it would work. Maybe it would be brilliant. And maybe, just maybe it didn't matter if it didn't work. It would be interesting to do it and see what happened. And more importantly just trying it would be enough. Failure would not devalue the worth of doing something so stupid and time consuming.
People started to drift to the back. I got behind an unused bar and crouched down, some people just ducked under their tables.
"Turn out the lights!" shouted one audience member.
That was a good idea, that would make this whole thing more confusing and weird for the returning punters. Janice raced round turning off all the lights. To be honest noone was that well hidden, but that wasn't important. Someone else wondered what we were going to do when they people finally got back - and we'd been waiting for a little while now. We should shout "Boo!" suggested Janice, but we would need a signal so we could do that all at once. The signal to shout Boo!, it was decided would be for everyone to first shout "Cunts!". Which might take away the surprise value.
A man came in.
"Cunts!" "Boo!" said the audience.
It wasn't the same man.
Then the door moved again. We all ducked. The people came in. "Cunts! Boo!" we cried. They didn't really seem to notice that this was directed at them. The fact that no-one was very well hidden meant they didn't really understand that this had all been done for their benefit. It was the anti-climax that we had all expected. And yet that almost made it better. It was one of the most enjoyable anti-climaxes I have ever been involved with. People came back to their seats with huge smiles on their faces, feeling genuinely happy with themselves and the world.
Now that, to my mind, makes for a successful night out.
There were some intelligent sets from very promising newcomers Carloline Clifford and Holly Walsh (I missed Josh Howie, but he was great the last time I saw him too) and it was encouraging and refreshing to see a night of comedy where women performers outnumbered the men and where (as anyone who actually goes to see comedy would know) none of them talked about tampons or whatever other rubbish people like to pretend women comics talk about.
I had a nice time too, but how could you fail to in a club with such a terrific atmosphere.
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November quiz - Question 16
In the TV series TMWRNJ, TV's Emma Kennedy played Nostradamus, who each week tried to predict three things in the hope of winning a barbecue. But what item of set dressing was Nostradamus equally keen to win, despite Opera Director Stewart Lee's insistence that it "was not on offer"?
