I've been getting a lot of spam email recently, most of it seemingly aimed at either selling me drugs that will help me maintain an erection or offering to enlarge my penis. I don't know who has been talking to these people, but whoever it is has been lying to them. I have no need for either of these products.
I also was informed that I had won a lottery that I had totally forgotten entering. It was so kind of some stranger to tell me of my good fortune when they could so easily have stolen the cash, that I rewarded them by emailing them back and telling them they could keep my thousands of pounds as a reward for their honesty.
I have also been getting a few emails in a strange languauge which employs a different alphabet to us, which I'm guessing may be Russian or something. I don't know what they have been trying to sell me, but I've always guessed that it was either pills to improve my erection or an operation to enlarge my penis. Which I don't need.
Then today I got the strangest email I have ever received (and I have had some strange emails). You can check it out in the downloads section of the site. Really, you'll have to look, but be warned it is not for those who are easily shocked, offended or scared.
Have you seen it now? What the Hell do you make of that?
It appears to be four hairless cats posing slightly provacatively for the camera, with the cat second from the right having some kind of abnormality with its neck or front leg. And then there's a phone number and some email addresses for me to contact. For what? What service are they offering? Do these people think that my ultimate sexual fantasy is to be with four hairless cats from Russia, one of whom suffers from some kind of abnormality, that are all coquettishly turning round looking at me as if to say, "Come and get us, big boy"? Because if they do think that they are wrong. And anyone who tells them that it's true and that it's the only image that can get me off is lying, like they are lying about my need to take Viagra or have my penis extended.
The cats are really scary looking. Is this some kind of warning? Stop doing whatever it is you are doing or we will send these strange cats around.
Or is it just some appeal to find homes for these ugly animals?
Why have these cats been arranged into this uncomfortable looking tableaux? Are they a circus act that I can hire to perform at a children's party (presumably a children's party where I want all the children to be so scared that they will be mentally scarred for life) or does the email advertise some kind of taxidermy museum, where animals are shaved and then displayed with their limbs and necks at uncomfortable looking angles? And if any of these things are the case, why did the Russian people who are in charge of this decide that it was something that I would want to be informed about? Even though I don't like cats and can't speak Russian.
I would email the people on the advert, but to be honest I am a bit scared about what they will reply. Or that they might send one of the cats round to brush against me with its freakish wrinkled skin, or look at me with its scary big eyes.
I would be indebted to any Russian speaker amongst you who can let me know what the advert says. Although there is a part of me that wants to maintain the mystery.
I am shaken to the core. It's not the kind of thing you expect popping into your inbox on a Wednesday morning. Hairless (or very hairy) dogs from China posing so it appears they are part of a pop group maybe, but not hairless cats from Russia.
