I think my problem was that I was only ever prepared to stay up until 1am (at the latest) to get lucky. If I hadn't got lucky by then I would cut my losses and go home and have a sad lachrymose wank. I like sleeping too much to stay up all night on the off-chance of getting lucky at 7am with someone who is too unattractive to have got lucky at a reasonable hour (preferably before the last tube home) and surely too tired to do much about this "luckiness". Surely you're left with all the dregs by this time - the people too unattractive to have been picked up at a decent hour, who are off their faces and broken. It sounds to me like Daft Punk are staying up so late so they can get off with all these vulnerable, grotesque easy-pickings. That's what they mean by "getting lucky". No wonder they wear those helmets all the time. How will Operation Yewtree ever find them? It does put a bit of a sinister slant on the song and their image. You have been warned.
Genuinely though I was never someone who liked to party all night. I couldn't really see the point, but then my drug of choice was beer which tended to make me sleepy and fairly useless to anyone if I did "get lucky". I was too boring and practical to stay up until the dawn. I suspect I would have had a more enjoyable youth if I had overcome this urge to strop off to bed at midnight, but at least I was well rested enough to get good results in my O levels. Which is more important than carousing all night with beautiful, cool, young people. And at least I wasn't sexually abused by a man in a motorcycle helmet.
I had been a bit worried about the Regent's Park Open Air Theatre gig. Firstly it had been added to the tour list very late (less than a month ago), secondly it was a massive arena and I'd already done 5 big and well attended gigs in London, but thirdly and most worryingly the gig was outside, open to the weather, in a venue without a roof and the show started in daylight. After my experience in Tewkesbury I wasn't convinced that a well-lit audience was comedy's friend and in a high ceilinged room you often lose the laughter and the atmosphere and tonight's ceiling was Heaven itself.
But it turned out to be one of the most enjoyable gigs of the tour. There were over 500 people in which was enough to make it look acceptable and not only could I hear the laughs but they came thick and fast. I had to make do without the slideshow again, but it didn't seem to matter and being in the open air on an only slightly chilly summer evening was a novelty. "This is like Woodstock!" I lied as I came on, not something I had planned to say, but of course I then added, "More like Woodcock!" And a wood cock is the best kind of cock. In many ways I wish this had been the last gig of the tour. It would have been nice to go out on a high and it would have made the slog of doing eleven gigs in twelve nights (the full dozen if you include the Cheddar charity gig) seem worthwhile and psychologically it would have been nice to leave Cock behind so I could start of RHLSTP and We're All Going To Die after a clean break. But there are two more gigs in Derby and Leicester to go. It's not that I am not looking forward to doing them, but I have a feeling the Leicester one won't be quite as special as this one was tonight.
There were some fun tweets too - Susan Douglas wrote "the friend (male) I have bought with me has just told me the cucumber idea is fantastic - didn't realise this was a "class""
And a man claiming to be "The Real Paul Brown" said "an old uni friend "donkey" could fit 105 10p pieces in his foreskin. nickname changed to £10.50!"
Seemingly I haven't heard every possible cock story yet.
Now onwards to find out if the experiment of filming the RHLSTPs will be a success or a disaster. Very much looking forward to getting my teeth back into these. Chris Addison is the first guess. Buy tickets for Monday night
here.
And if you want to watch the videos then head to
Go Faster Stripe. Both the paid video and the free audio will be up on Wednesday (hopefully)!
