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Friday 17th June 2005

Whoever said that the human body is a beautiful thing has clearly never spent an afternoon by the swimming pool at the Merton Hotel in Jersey.
I have done this and I would say that the human body is something that is best covered in heavy clothing at all times. I think the Victorians had it right on this one when they made everyone wear full length swimming costumes, though I don't think they went far enough and should also had included a set of wrap-around curtains.
It wasn't like I was staring at people in their swimming costumes (believe me, that is the last thing I would want to do) and I'm not really having a go at the average people present at the hotel for their physical appearance, I'm just saying that once you've seen the unaesthetic extremes and variety of shapes and sizes, it is hard to believe that the design of the human body is something divine. I just think the display of man tits (one the most impressive pair I have ever seen, which for a second almost confused and aroused me), flabby thighs and stomachs, too much bottom revealed by too old swimming trunks would make anyone conclude that the human body is in the vast majority of cases freakish and unpleasant and even slightly repellent. And believe me I am including my own body in this.
Admittedly the Merton hotel in Jersey is not the haunt of twenty-something supermodels or sports personalities and is largely attended by the old or people with young families, but it made me realise that the human body is a beautiful thing for only a very small proportion of humanity and even then, only for a very short and specific length of time.
It is weird (or perhaps understandable) that our society is so obsessed with physical beauty, when there is so little of it around.
And in actual fact this realisation should make us all stop worrying about the bits of us that don't conform to this unattainable idea and accept ourselves for what we are. The Victorians were wrong, in fact, to see the distorted bodies of everyone else can make us realise that our own disgusting body is just one a billions, that it's not a divine creation but a random crashing together of genetic material and that we have nothing more to fear.
It should also make us appreciate our bodies when we are young and they are still relatively attractive. Mind you if I can cultivate man boobs like the ones I saw today and invest in a razor for my chest hair, I will be able to spend my dotage just sitting in front of the mirror, making my own amusement.

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