Like most internet users I get over 50 emails a day from spammers trying to sell me drugs to give me a more efficient erection, or offering to increase the size of my penis, telling me I have won a lottery or directing me to some website where I can find "hardly of age girls" doing "SEXUALYY EXPLICIIT" or occasionally "$EXXUALY EXXPLICIT" things. Fortunately, my computer expert friend Paul Smith put me on to
an excellent piece of software called Cloudmark which pretty much deals with 99% of these emails and quickly whisks them out of my inbox into a spam file which I can then ignore until such times as when I require my erection to be firmer or my ejaculations to have more volume (this is important to me - I hate a small volumed ejaculation more than anything in the world. Where's the pleasure in that?)
But for a few brief seconds the spam email will be seen in my inbox before vanishing and there was one this morning whose subject gave me some pause for thought (and please stop reading now if you don't want to see a discussion of a quite extreme sexual act - mum. And mums in general - because of course mums are the last people who would know anything about sex)
It read "Cuute Lora takiing from asss to mouth. overenthusiastically".
Now let's ignore the spelling and grammar (presumably an attempt to get round anti-spam software - but Cloudmark is too clever for that) and let's not go into too much thought about the sexual act that it is detailing - suffice to say that by following the link you could see a woman unhygenic enough to go from anal sex to oral sex without asking her loving partner to wipe himself with a damp flannel.
That is of no interest to me. The thing that caught my eye was the additional word "overenthusiastically".
Surely this is a word you only ever use in a negative sense. If you liked the idea of a woman performing this sex act then you might get some pleasure from seeing her doing it enthusiastically. "She's doing a rude thing and not only that she really likes it", you might think. "Hooray I am enjoying looking at this image that degrades everyone involved, principally myself. She is hardly of age after all."
But if someone is overenthusiastic this is traditionally a bad thing. The enthusiasm is too much or forced and as such is off-putting and unattractive. So what this spam email is offering is a woman who will do this unpleasant sex act in such a way as to be cloying and irritating to the viewer. This is not for the people who want to see a woman fellating a penis which might have some particles of her own excreta upon it in an enthusiastic way. It's for people who want to see that act performed by someone who is overacting and to all intents and purposes sarcastically getting off on it. Surely one would be too critical of her overenthusiasm to get any pleasure from what she's actually doing. You'd have to be a real pervert. Unlike the blokes who like to see a woman geuninely enjoying such a thing or the blokes who like to see a woman reluctantly going through with it. Or the blokes who like to see a woman supposedly being forced to endure this. They're all normal. To want to see someone being too enthusiastic is surely the most shameful and disgusting thing imaginable. And to try and turn that into the selling point of the spam email seems to me to be a big mistake. They're only pointing out that their pornography is flawed and as such I call on you all to eschew this particular website if you got the same email. You will be opening Pandora's box if you ignore my advice and I will allow you to make your own joke up about this. You have to do some of the work here.
