The day got off to a great start when the promoter of tonight's gig texted me to let me know that it was cancelled due to lack of interest. I am doing way too many previews and I was really delighted (not as delighted as I was when I heard that Pete Baynham's dad died) to get a night off. The promoter was apologetic, blaming the football, but he didn't need to be. He had made my day.
We were heading into town anyway to do some shopping for stuff for our newly renovated house. It's not entirely renovated yet, of course, though it was meant to be completed by the end of June, but the bedroom and bathroom are more or less finished, meaning we can stay in London if we need to. And tonight was the first night that I was going to be sleeping in Shepherd's Bush since February. So much has changed that it's a bit like we're living in a new house. It's looking very good though. If it's a bit of a mind-fuck to be back in a place that should be familiar but isn't.
After failing to buy bedroom furniture we went for a meal and then decided to see a film. We had a little time before the next showing and so went to have some ice cream in Leicester Square. I had assumed we'd just buy a cone and sit out in the street, but there is a whole restaurant devoted to Haagen Daas next to the cinema. You go to a table, get a menu and then order ice cream. It's incredible. Like a regular restaurant with all the boring non-sugary food taken away and just a wonderland of pudding. My wife thought I was an idiot for being amazed by this brave new diabetes inducing world, but she was the idiot for not being amazed. From now on I am only eating in restaurants which eschew starters and mains. Or that let you have starters and mains but only if they're made out of sugar and cream.
We went to see Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter which I wrongly thought might be fun. My latest potential script is about reinterpreting and misinterpreting an historical situation for comedic purposes and I thought this might be similar. But weirdly it's done in what seems to be a serious manner, trying to make a connection between vampires and slavery, turning the American Civil War into a battle of good versus evil, which I would say oversimplifies the conflict and manages to be offensive to both slaves and slave-owners in equal measure, which is quite impressive. Weirdly a comedic take on the same thing would probably not have seemed as offensive as a heavy-handed attempt to equate racism with vampirism and then just have a man in a big hat chopping up people with an axe. It seemed to belittle everyone concerned and simplify a complex issue in the name of entertainment. And even worse it wasn't very entertaining. I considered leaving before the end, but was interested to see if they'd resolve any of my concerns. I should have left. The final scene (SPOILER ALERT- though the film is already spoiled) has the "good" vampire at a bar in present day meeting a man who is drinking heavily, just as Lincoln was when he first met him. We don't see who this man is, but it'd be slightly less offensive than the rest of the film if the drunkard was George W Bush and the sequel went on to show that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were actually America versus vampires again.
It was such a bad film that I almost wish my gig hadn't been cancelled. It was another 3D film where the 3D seemed utterly pointless and superfluous. They seem to make a slight effort in the first five minutes to have a few things happening in the foreground, but after that it might as well be in 2D. And if you take off your glasses it barely looks any different. It cost £34 for two tickets. If I was in government I would pass a law that said cinemas had to reimburse your entrance fee if a film was shit. Obviously that would be quite a hard law to implement, but what would happen is that I would watch all films, decide which ones were shit and then people would get their money back if they went to those ones. When going out is this expensive then I don't think it's too much to expect some quality.
Obviously I am establishing a dangerous precedent - after all a very few people who come to my shows might think they are shit. But that's different. Very different.
We left the cinema to find that the football had finished. It was impossible to find out who had won though, mainly because there were loads of Spanish people running around shouting and singing so loudly that you wouldn't have been able to hear the result even if someone had told you. I got on the tube and some Spanish people shouted so loudly that I went temporarily deaf. I can only assume such an over reaction would come through grief at having lost. So let's take a punt and say congratulations Italy, European champions. Can only assume you thumped those Spanish idiots.
